I’m not as random as you think I SALAD!
You’re a great friend, but if zombies chase us, I’m tripping you.
I really fucked it up this time, didn't I my dear?
Walking past your crush:
Expectation: Reality: my life hahahahaahhahahahahahahaahhaha
What's the difference between a cat and a comma?
irrelephant11: One has claws at the end of its paws and one is a pause at the end of a clause.
We’re not retreating; we’re advancing in a different direction!
The rules are: Use your hands on my daughter and you’ll lose them after....
Silence is golden, duck-tape is silver.
At all the weddings, my aunts used to come up to me poking me in the ribs...